Category Archives: Quote

#46

I wish people could easily read my signals; how I am terrified of crowds, how I get intimidated by the attention yet desperate for reaching out, how I wish for not having the urge to vanish, or simply how I try not to break into panic cause the songs I put on repeat just remind me of those who disappear.

I wish people could see me through the correct lense; notice how I keep haunted by the past, but not ready to forget yet–not so fast.

I wish I could stop drowning in the ocean of blames. For regret is never a key to erase the mistakes and life is only a mournful hospitality once you forget how limitless the word “enough” is.

I would never be good enough, though. I would never be the star people try to find when the night comes. I may be the last dew in your garden, always that fragile tiny spot giving in to the heat of the day–not stubborn enough so people would never notice.

But above all, I wish to keep swimming. I wish to keep moving with force of the violent stream of present and future, make my past disappoinment as a living nightmare.

That way, when my eyes are pained and painted with nightmares, would you come and wake me to the present? I wish, I could wish so.

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#45

I always love the clear night sky. I love how the moon and the venus staring right at me without clouds as their blanket. I love how it reminds me of companionship, how I miss that thing in my life. I adore the stars, shyly winking at me as if they know all of my secrets.

I love how the sky accept the night.

(Don’t you think they are all dancing and glittering in acceptance?)

I’d love to join them, one way or another. I’d love to shine bright, brighter and brighter you will have to cover. And I’d love to be your light too, shining and dancing while the universe is humming in acceptance.

Of us.

#43

Sepi terkikik.

Lalu, kau pikir, apalagi yang lebih ngeri dari sunyi yang mulai nyiyir dalam kebisuannya? Ditertawai bayang-bayang? Dibayangi mendung yang berbau sengit? Atau disengiti jantungmu dengan detaknya yang sengaja menyengat ingatan?  

(Kau sendirian!)

Tapi hujan itu rintik-rintik air yang turun tergugu. Dan sudut matamu masih tanggul yang kau paksa bisu.

#40: Melatiku

Bunga melati yang hidup dalam pot kesayanganku kering. Seluruh daunnya menguning. Batang serta ranting kecilnya mendendam, nyaring jika patah ujungnya. Kulit kayunya yang luka menganga, sengaja melupakan khilaf atau kesengajaan. Bekas patahnya menyisa runcing, marah pada angin atau manusia yang mengusik kerapuhannya.

Bunga melati yang tumbuh dalam pot kesayanganku jemu. Bosan ia dengan pagi serta silaunya, jengah dengan siang dan bara teriknya, malas dengan senja pun dominasi merah di puncak mega. Hanyalah hujan yang ia tunggu. Namun hanyalah malam bermendung palsu yang ia temu.

Bunga melati yang mekar dalam pot kesayanganku memilih mati. Akar-akarnya menyerah. Sebab kelabu yang ia nanti terus-terusan mengelabui. Sebab dingin dan aroma hujan tak lagi pertanda. Sebab rintik-rintik kecil itu ingkar janji.

Hujan, tidakkah kau lihat melatiku? Ia menunggu hingga lupa akan rasa basah airmu. Ia menunggu hingga batas waktu. Untukmu, ia tak mau mekar lagi.

#39: Untuk Bulan

Pendar hati-hati itu nyalanya lebur
Kabut tipis-tipis itu buatnya kabur
Mendung lirih-lirih itu tak jua guntur
Bintang kecil-kecil itu perlahan mundur

Engkau, bisik-bisik itu, tertatih atur;
Biar manusia terlelap tidur